


an illusion! (what are you hiding?)

by karauna



Category: Warcraft - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon Ships It, Discord Chat - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Pre-Slash, Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg Ships It, all the girls do, bc come on guys it's me, but the one i thought about while i was stuck on a loading screen, im trying so hard to keep it simple, in world of warcraft, oh memories, oh yeah babie u read that right, the gamer au none of you wanted, this is me trying to remember things from 4 years ago, waiting for my +10 keystone to load in after fifteen minutes god please blizz--
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karauna/pseuds/karauna
Summary: The Witchers and Witches of Kaer Morhen lay down their top-place in the world-wide player-versus-player ratings, and get ready to face their next big challenge:Raiding."B-but. Did Xavius just teleport--?""Mhm.""-a-and Ysera's still--?"A shift, a sigh and a riveting, "Yeah.""...Get the guys together, Geralt.""Jaskier."He smacks the desk, pointing an accusing finger at the screen despite the fact that he can't even see it. "He just made me murder my favourite dragon mom, damnit! Fuck you, Geralt, we're killing him!"Or: Geralt is the best death knight player on his realm, and Jaskier is his brilliant, idiotic monk healer. Geralt also likes him. A lot.He's not very subtle, either.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 12
Kudos: 152





	an illusion! (what are you hiding?)

**Author's Note:**

> as soon as i thought about this stupid au i listened to sharm for the vibe with no regrets
> 
> the workskin i used for this is from [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12142470/chapters/27549729)

Jaskier could hear his heart thunder like wardrums in his ears, the familiar claws of rage digging into his throat. Ahead of him, moonlight bathed the temple's monoliths in liquid silver; the glowing blooms and vines stretching across the tops of pillars and arches alike. 

Really, it made the _giant dead body_ contrast rather nicely. Or it would if it wasn't like, _one of his favourite people in the whole wide world.  
_

Ysera, Aspect of Dreams.

Legs frozen and hands trembling, Jaskier stumbled forward, shoving past the elven priestesses as the leaves crunch beneath his feet. A sentinel rears back to level him with a glare, fingers holding her bow in a vice as she pushes him back. "Have some respect for the fallen, human. We have lost much here today, not that you _outlanders_ care."

His face twitches.

Oh fuck, someone better hold him back or else he's going to give them _another_ reason to mourn. "Huh," he smiles pleasantly, "that's a bit rich, now isn't it?"

Turning around fully, she towers over him and lets her gem-cut features twist into a scornful glower. Jaskier hears the sound of clinking metal, chainmail and heavy footsteps come up behind him, and as they get closer, the night elf starts to pale with every footfall. The air chills, and he doesn't even need to look down to know that the stone beneath his boots are covered in a thin sheet of ice as a massive shadow falls over both of them. A distinct feeling of _wrongness_ pervades the setting, priestesses and sentinels alike scattering as a frozen flurry of frost swirls above his head.

"Fuck off from my mistweaver."

The sentinel runs. Geralt's plated hand falls on his shoulder, and it's heavy enough to bruise. "You alright?"

Awwwww, he really does care! "Now that you're here, definitely!" Jaskier beams.

Geralt hums, pulling up next to him and lightly nudging the dead dragon with his foot. Ysera's head just sort of... flops around. "You, uh... you sure?"

Right. Ysera's dead now.

Jaskier frowns again.

...Well.

Fuck, nevermind. He went through so much shit in that questline to wake her up four expansions ago, and now she just... goes ahead and, like...

You know, _dies_.

Reaching back to give his companion's chest a firm pat for a job well done, he goes back to staring solemnly at the dragon's lax form, finally free of the corruption that had been plaguing her. Ysera's scales glimmered like teal waves on the coast, the taint of the Nightmare flaking off in the wake of the moon goddess' blessing after her fall. He'd had so much hope when he saw the goddess emerge; so sure, so _certain_ that Mother Moon would be able to save her.

In the end, that's all it was: hope. Ysera lies there, surrounded by her disciples, cold and unmoving.

Fucking _fuck._

And then they just _had_ to show that cutscene as well, because of _course they made a cutscene_ , and now he's _crying_ , and everything _sucks_. "Geralt?"

He hears a soft hum behind him, along with the aura of freezing cold and boiling blood. Really, he loves Geralt, but _fuck_ , of course he went the edgiest class.

"What."

"This is where I draw the line, I'm unsubbing."

Jaskier nearly falls over as his companion shoves his shoulder. "Like fuck you are. Do it when Triss gets back. She's better anyway."

"--excuse me! I am the _best healer_ you have ever met, you frozen peacock! You know what? Quest by yourself, I'm logging. I'm going to go and _cry myself to sleep_ \--"

Rolling his eyes, Geralt just grabs the raging monk by the back of his cloak and throws him over his shoulder. "Do that later, we still need to get our gold. One last dungeon, then bragging rights over Yennefer. Deal?"

"You drive a hard bargain, my fluffy wuffy wolfy oofy friend, but... deal!"

"Call me that again, I dare you."

"My _fluffy, dearly beloved_ , _flea-bitten_ _bestest friend in the wor--"_ Jaskier cuts himself off with a shriek as he's abruptly tossed off, hitting the ground face-first while the death knight stares down at him balefully. He picks himself up with a groan, gingerly rubbing his jaw. "A little bit of warning would've been nice- _ow--_ thanks, Geralt, there goes half my health. Hope you're happy."

"Hurry up or I'll leave you behind." Despite his words, the death knight helps him up with a frown, brushing off the dust and wiping the blood off his cheek.

It'd be sweet if he wasn't the one that _put it there_.

Jaskier breathes in through his nose, raising a brow as Geralt shoves his stupid snout in his face and starts _sniffing him_. "You're fussing. Stop that." 

"No I'm not," and _he_ has the gall to look offended, even as he's physically _picking Jaskier up_ and searching for the health potions the monk _knows_ are in his fucking bags. "You're fragile. Like a twig."

Great. Now he's holding him like some sort of princess. This could almost be romantic.

"You're _carrying_ me. Again."

_Almost._

Geralt stops, then recoils- somehow _surprised_ like he hadn't even notice. The monk stares up at him pointedly, nose twitching as he folds his arms against his chest. Around him, the worgen's arms tighten the slightest of amounts until, _oh-so-carefully_ _,_ the death knight puts him down. Jaskier fondly pats his shoulder. "Thanks, big guy. A real heart of gold, even if you _are_ a dick."

His companion just huffs, turning away as he wanders over to Roach. The drake turns to him, scales shimmering like the azure depths of the sea, and stretches her wings with a happy toss of her head. Roach hums happily as Geralt's hand runs soothingly over her neck, knocking her head against his chest and promptly throwing him back onto his arse.

Then she lies on him.

Jaskier snickers as his friend growls in frustration, batting at her uselessly, "Roach. _Move."_

She stares at him, unimpressed, practically taunting as she yawns and traps him under her head.

Walking past the two of them, Jaskier doesn't even bother to try mask his amusement. "Right. While you sort out your cat in real-life, I'm going to hearth to Dalaran and get the queue started. Then, I've earned myself a nice, cold can of beer."

•••

Jaskier leans back into his desk chair, tugging off his headset as Geralt just grunts. Roach's meows filter through, followed by his guild-mate's grieved sighs. Not long after, rumbling purrs and soft whispers replace the mewls for attention, and he can only assume that the beast has been tamed. For now.

God, they're adorable.

"Jask, hurry up and move. If that queue pops before you're back, I'm leaving you."

He rolls his eyes, but stands up regardless. Stretching out his spine with a satisfying pop, Jaskier hums happily to himself as he shoulders the door to his room open and heads into his small kitchenette. Over by the couch, he can just see Triss' head over the seat's rim. On the massive screen in front of her, there's some re-run of an old TV show that she's barely paying attention to, instead favoring the phone cradled in her hands. "Hey, nerd. What are you doing out? I thought you were with our tank?"

Jaskier snorts, opening the fridge as he squints at the bare shelves. "He got jumped by his cat, so I'm grabbing a drink. Want one?"

"If you're offering, sure. The iced tea on the bottom shelf, back of the fridge, please."

He rubs his chin. Tomato relish, celery stalks from two years ago, strawberry jam with mold on it... "The peach-flavored one?"

"Yes, please."

Skirting his fingers around the dodgy-smelling green cheese, Jaskier pulls out the bottle and tosses it over his shoulder. Behind him, he can hear it smack against her open palm and hiss as Triss cracks it open. "Thanks, Jaskier!"

"Sure thing, Triss," he mumbles, only half listening as he scrounges through their food. God, how long has it been since they bought milk?

"You don't have anymore beer, by the way."

"Uh-huh-- wait, what? Triss!"

She shrugs at him, waving around the empty can in her hand like a flag. "I was thirsty, and couldn't be bothered crouching down to get the iced tea. Sorry~!"

Jaskier glares over at her, grumpily throwing the fridge door shut as he busies himself with grabbing a glass of water. "Yeah, yeah- whatever. What's mine is yours, right?" That cup doesn't have a handle, that one's cracked...

Dead cockroach on that one.

Nice.

Triss primly sips from her beverage, still enraptured with... whatever it is that she's looking at on her phone. "Exactly! See, you just _get_ me, Jaskier. For real though, I'll replace it, I promise."

Rolling his eyes, he settles for the cup _aaall_ the way at the back, made of ruddy plastic with faded Disney cartoons on it. Fuck, he hasn't seen this since he was like. _Five._ "Sure you will. Anyways, how's your computer coming along? Still getting the cooling system looked at?"

Leaning back over the couch, _finally_ tearing her eyes away from her damn electronics, Triss fixes him with a pout that would melt the coldest heart. _"Yes._ I'm so bored, Jaskier. I can't believe that I forgot to check on it and then it just-- _uuugh--"_

Jaskier snickers, washing out the cup as he scrubbed away the dirt and dust. "I told you not to get a water cooling system, but _noooo_ , whoever listens to me? Not you, that's for sure."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!"

"Yeah," he squints at the cup. There's a suspicious black blob at the bottom. "You should really know by now that your good ideas don't last, Triss. Remember that time you took painkillers for your headache, even though you're _allergic_ to paracetamol and ibuprofen? _I_ _do._ Because I was the one that had to _drive you to the E.R."_

"Shut up, it was a _migraine_ not a _headache_. There's a difference!"

To drink water with a suspicious black blob, or to not drink water with a suspicious black blob...

He fills the cup with water and takes a sip.

Good enough.

"Either way," Jaskier singsongs, ambling over to the cupboards for something to snack on, "it was one of your proudest moments, for _sure_. The doctor definitely thought so."

Oh. They haven't done their groceries in a month.

Fuck, there goes the snacks.

Triss mumbles under her breath, sliding back down onto the plush cushions, red-painted nails tap-tap- _tapping_ against her phone screen. "By the way," she smiles coyly, wiggling her stupid picture-perfect eyebrows at him. God, he needs to ask her for tips or something because they're just so _even_ \-- "Geralt's getting impatient in the discord. Oh, and Yennefer's threatening to steal your man away."

Wait.

Hold the fucking phone.

Jaskier jolts upright, the back of his head smacking painfully against one of the shelves in the pantry as he scrambles back. "That _bitch!_ I called dibs on him, he's _mine_ _!"_

She raises her hand, and he practically sprints over in his haste to read her phone screen. There, in Kaer Morhen's discord, is this:

  
# kaer-morhen   
  


Geralt.  
jas  
yens catching up hurry 

* * *

VengerBender  
Ditch the monk, Geralt, you know he's holding you back. I have a slot open if you need it.

* * *

Geralt.  
uh

* * *

VengerBender  
Cat got your tongue, dear?

* * *

Geralt.  
roach is watching porn gotta go

* * *

He blinks at the screen. Turning back to Triss, they share a mutual look of vexation as they silently mouth, 'watching, _porn'_ at each other. They startle as the phone buzzes, another message popping up on the screen.

  
# kaer-morhen   
  


Geralt.  
triss. tell jas the queue just popped

* * *

Blinking, she raises a brow and turns to her roommate. Jaskier's still standing there, staring at the screen with a dopey smile, until she breaks it by flicking his nose. "Your heroic knight in shining armor is waiting for you, so stop staring at his username and actually _talk_ to him."

He just stands there, blinking at her owlishly. Triss sighs, grumbling to herself. "At this rate, he's going to ditch you for Yen."

Jaskier squawks, offended by the very _notion,_ and high-tails it out of the lounge-- his bedroom door slamming shut in a gust of air and a panicked shout of, " _Geralt! Geralt wait I'm here hold on--"_

The woman rolls her eyes, smiling secretively down at her phone. She taps away on her screen, pulling up Yennefer's private chat.

  
# we-stan-sunshine-child-and-our-local-dumbass-himbo   
  


VengerBender  
Did it work?

* * *

swallow my heals  
Like a well-oiled machine, jas nearly cracked his skull open when i said your name it was hilarious

* * *

SHUT UP AND LOVE MY DAD  
operation: get geralt a boyfriend is underway   
can confirm, dads smiling like a loser at something jaskier said and it's great

* * *

renfri henfri  
step 2: procreation

* * *

* * *

Jaskier feels numb, even as his level ticks to one-hundred and ten. The golden letters fill up his screen, floating happily as he stares blankly. There's a muffling silence in his eyes, only broken by the tap of Geralt's fingers on his keyboard as he hands in his last quest. 

"Jask?" 

He wheezes. 

_"Jaskier."_

"Geralt," he manages to grit out, " _Geralt,_ this isn't the last boss, right? Surely there's one last phase to it, where we can like... you know, actually _kill_ him, right? _Right?!"_

"Uh. No. That's it."

Gods, the man sounds fucking terrified.

_"Are you serious."_

There's a sound of shifting fabric coming through his headphones, and Jaskier can only assume that Roach has jumped up onto her owner's lap again. "Yeah, I'm sure. Xavius is the last boss for the raid."

Flopping back into his chair, the monk-player barely has the energy to drop his head into his hands. "You're kidding," he gripes, "please tell me you're kidding, Geralt. I wanted to kill him so _badly_. _"_

Geralt snorts, relaxing fully as he starts swapping out his equipment on the game. "I'm not. Stop crying, he's gone."

"B-but. Did Xavius just teleport--?"

"Mhm."

"-a-and Ysera's still--?"

A shift, a sigh and a riveting, "Yeah."

"...Get the guys together, Geralt."

"Jaskier."

He smacks the desk, pointing an accusing finger at the screen despite the fact that he can't even _see it_. "He just made me murder my favourite dragon mom, damnit! Fuck you, Geralt, we're killing him!"

* * *

  
# kaer-morhen   
  


smashin thrashin jaskin  
we're raiding emerald nightmare as soon as it drops and you guys dont get a say in it   
put your big boy pants on and start leveling or ill write a song about how ur dad is a donkey

* * *

lambert, lambert, what a legend  
are u fucking high or smthn jaskier

* * *

Geralt.  
what he said

* * *

swallow my heals  
Jaskier what the **hell**

* * *

Manskel  
Geralt, u broke ur musician

* * *

Geralt.  
fuck off

* * *

smashin thrashin jaskin  
ciri. darling. apple of my eye. _they killed flower mom_

* * *

SHUT UP AND LOVE MY DAD  
nO. **FUCK**  
ok yeah we're doing it shut up dad _you dont get a choice_

* * *

renfri henfri  
Vengeance for flower mom blizzard can suck my _ten-inch dong_

* * *

VengerBender  
The men in this guild are fucking losers. We're doing it, you blue-ball cock-strings.

* * *

lambert, lambert, what a legend  
ill show u just how blue they really are ;)

* * *

VengerBender  
Spare me. I'm sure they're just as shriveled and lifeless as your personality.

* * *

renfri henfri  
911 yes i've just been witness to a murder

* * *

Geralt.  
lambert just threw his phone

* * *

smashin thrashin jaskin  
i thought he didn't live with you guys?

* * *

SHUT UP AND LOVE MY DAD  
he came over to help with dinner. vesemir and eskel are here too

* * *

lambert, lambert, what a legend  
geralt u fuckin nark. does family mean nothing to u

* * *

Geralt.  
not when it's you  
bloody prick

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> geralt's a worgen main-spec blood/sub-spec frost death knight and that just makes me fucking cry bc it's so perfect  
> jaskier's a human mistweaver monk. bc like... something about jaskier quoting drunken limericks in the midst of battle is just so _him_  
>  yen's a night elf fire mage. obvious reasons.  
> triss' a night elf resto/balance druid dual-spec. bc like. bro come at me  
> cirilla's a draenei fury warrior. that was mainly bc going fury is basically the closest u can get to having elderblood in wow i swear to god--  
> eskel's a pandaren enhancement shaman with mixed tier 3 sets bc he just vibes me as that kinda guy yk  
> lambert's a fucking gnome outlaw rogue with his swords mogged into the warglaives of azzinoth bc he's a dick and i love him so much


End file.
